Dance With My Father Again

When I was at the grocery earlier I hear Luther Van Dross singing Dance With My Father Again.

Even though the lyrics of this song do not relate to me but everytime I hear it playing it never fails to make me feel so emotional. Well maybe because of the longing... I grow up without a father to dance with. And even though I had my brothers mom as a father figure the love extended is different which is understandable because he has 3 children.

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me
And then
Spin me around 'till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved..

When I was young and ask about my weaknesses I would always answer; "about me having no father". Its actually one of the sensitive topics I don't like being discussed about in school coz I know I can't share anything about it. And if we do talk about it I easily got teary-eyed that soon end up crying. However, as I grow old I have also witness the downside of having a father. Maybe it was Gods way of saying im also one of the lucky person in this world who doesn't have to suffer the irony of having a father. I mostly see relatives and friends sad, problematic and burden over their fathers bad attitude/habits or irresponsible behavior.

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to
Dance with my father...

Until now I always comfort myself with such thought that I am still lucky having no father. Yet, hearing this song break all my defenses and left me teary-eyed or worst even shed buckets of tears. Just like now while I was writing this post coz I am listening to the song as all my emotions flooded. The reality that I wont have that "father and daughter dance" on my wedding day and most specially the love and guidance as i journey through life...

I know I'm praying for much to much
But could you send her
The only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But Dear Lord
She's dying to dance with my father again..

I know there's no chance for my mom and dad to be together because he has his own family. As for me ill just wait for that day when he will come to me and treat me as his own child too. Not that he didn't tried before, but all I want is to be love unconditionally. Before he did came and introduced himself to me and promise to fulfill his father duties but on the condition that I should call him "Papa". I was young then and didn't know him so I was in awe to call him as my "Papa". It was a simple request but for me it made a big mark. If he love me, if he was sincere in fulfilling his part as a father, he would understand and hope that eventually as time goes by I'll call him "Papa" when im ready... but he didn't. He never gave me the chance to be love and protected by him and just forget about me...

A message to all the guys whom already are a father to a daughter/son who denies you. Don't give up, if you really are sincere in wanting to show your love to your daughter/son. If it is not easy for you... it's never easy for them too. The idea of you showing in an instant and claiming them as your daughter/son is both confusing and upsetting to them. If it hurts you... it hurts them more. Ofcourse it hurts to know that your just their while they are having problems growing up without you. And if your having difficulty... its difficult for them too specially if life was okay without you and as you came now, meant changes. Even though there's what we call a bond that connect children to its father but in some cases the feelings are foreign. So give them a chance to accept the idea and the changes that will take place.

P.S. I picked this video because it suits me (im a girl) and also the video is excellently made...